Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

[johnfowles]

I snitched this from a posting to a Yahoo group I subscribe to The British Club at:-
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/British_Club/
I got so many laughs from it that I thought I would pass it on
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged...

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.





　

[joveski]

i wanna meet this guy!.... (plus we dont like getting TAKEN shopping - we prefer to do it on our own)

plus, have you got a direct link to the page?... i wanna put it on my facebook page.

[timetraveler]

Oh man!!! I almost had a major accident while reading this. I was laughing so hard my smile STILL hasn't left my face.

[timetraveler]

I also re-read the piece & it made me think of my stepfather as being the sort of person that a woman doesn't want to take shopping with her but must as he's the one who not only has the keys & can drive, but I don't know how. Reason I don't care to have him go shopping with me is that he will set out in the truck the entire time I'm in the store, no matter the weather or the temperature, and will sulk while I'm trying to make sure that I get the right things that are on my list. Then when we get home, he whines to my mum about how I take too blessed long in the store. The only men that I enjoy having shop with me are my nephew & my brother in law.

[johnfowles]

Originally Posted by joveski

i wanna meet this guy!.... (plus we dont like getting TAKEN shopping - we prefer to do it on our own)

plus, have you got a direct link to the page?... i wanna put it on my facebook page.

OK Mende you can visit the group using the link I gave before
but the actual message is at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Britis.../message/29006
You will probably have to sign in to Yahoo to see it and maybe even have to join The British Club. I can't tell

What is The British Club? Our membership consists of Brits, Americans, Canadians, Australians, and British expatriates. Most of us consider parts of England, Scotland, Wales, as our mother country, so we love talking about all things British. As an eclectic group, though, we do have many other interests.
the owner is a Californian Nevil Shute fan Barbara Lake who found this
Anyroad if that Yahoo link is unsuitable then if you google for
"Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping"
you should get a choice of over 2.5 milion results many of which quote the joke in full
The pub photo used on the group's web page looks uncannily like one of my favo(u)rite pubs in Somerset UK
The Queen Victoria Inn at Priddy near Glastonbury and Wells
this is it:-

A number of years ago I sold the owner a Culligan Water Softener. Yes I was once yer actual Hey Culligan Man!!

I had several very pleasant Thursday evenings there, which used to be their regular folk music night
One Thursday an itinerant couple from Seattle dropped in and entertained us wonderfully. The pub at the time and it appears still stock the fairly local and beautiful Butcombe beer

Memo to Jim Nasium

If you can get up to middle Somerset Jim some time have one for me please!!

[Shutup and Deal, I'm Losin']

Enjoying shopping is one of the differences that God put in men and women. I too like to get it and get out whenever I shop. Sometimes I might spend a few minutes looking around (if I'm looking to buy a movie, video game, or picking out something), but I don't spend hours at a time.

Another thing I hate is when I grocery shop, I'll have a list of over 20 items. I can find the vast majority of those items in about ten minutes, but there'll be 2 or 3 items that I can't find. I'll spend another 30 minutes searching around the store for those last 2 or 3 items I cannot find. They just seem to elude me.