Thanks you all for your kind words and prayers. They are much appreciated.
It's been an interesting 24 hours. The arrangements are set. We have my sister's ex flying in with her boys today, and my brother's soon-to-be-ex driving in with their kids this evening. Somebody commented we need to get pictures because it's unlikely we'll ever see this bunch together again.
The first ham arrived, brought by my aunt Maura. That is something of a family joke. When my grandfather Cuddy died in 1972, people would call ahead and say they were coming over to the house with food, drop it off, stay a few minutes and leave. Today folks drop off pizza or bagels or a meat and cheese tray but in those days it was a ham or maybe a turkey, something that could sit on the sideboard and be eaten then or used later for sandwiches, soups, put in the freezer etc. My grandfather was a well-known and well-like auctioneer and had lots of friends as well as family. Well, by the time the 17th ham arrived, my aunt Maura had just about lost it. The phone rang again. To everyone's great relief, it was NOT an 18th ham but a tray of cupcakes (to which everyone responded with "ooooooo" - the Cuddy family is known for its sweet tooth.) To this day Grandpa's funeral is known as "The Funeral of the 17 Hams."
We had the reading of the will yesterday afternoon - why so soon, I don't know but I suspect my uncle wanted to put it out there, do his duty, and back off. No real surprises, just one sticking point with the house, which if not resolved soon and diplomatically could set off hard feelings. I know they wrote their wills the way they did because of dad's family's experience (the only daughter got everything, the 4 sons got a few mementos.) For us, Dad always said he had 9 children, not 1 and everything is to be split 9 ways including the house. However we have one sibling who has always assumed it would be hers (and has been acting that way recently), and morally speaking she's earned it, but legally it's not. My uncle did suggest she buy out the rest of us, and those who don't want or need the money could say no thanks, you can have my share. But nobody wants to approach her with the sugggestion. We're still exhausted and nerves are frayed and she's prickly at the best of times. Still, she's lived rent-free for years while caring for the folks and working a full-time job so has been able to bank most of her salary. Mom's pension paid the bills. It's a pickle.
A word to the wise: have wills that very clearly spell out what's being left to whom and why, and talk to your kids in advance. We will be updating our wills as [a] Kyle is no longer a minor and Rachel won't be for long and [b] Kyle now owns his own house. I annually review beneficiaries and have filed "transfer on death" forms for non-IRA assets to keep them out of probate. Nobody likes to think about it but keeping your wills and a list of assets updated makes it so much easier for those left behind. I have most of my information on a flash drive (account numbers, contact information, where to find papers, etc.)
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