How many posters have living wills, health care proxies, advance directives, durable power of attorney for health care? Have you filed them with all your doctors, your attorney, other family members? Does your spouse/significant other know what you want or don't want when it comes to resuscitative attempts? Dialysis or not, ventilator or no vent, artificial hydration and/or nutrition - or not? Do you yourself understand what each involves, and know how you feel about each?
It's a very complex query, not to be dashed off in an afternoon. And you need an agent whom you are certain will carry out your wishes as stated; even when written down, some people's wishes are ignored either by family or medical personnel so, for example, the mother who never ever wanted to be on a vent is kept 'alive' for months or years. My own mother stated she never wanted to be on a vent or kept alive artificially, said so in an emergency room while we waited as surgeons made a futile attempt to operate on my uncle who had an abdominal aortic aneurysm rupture at work. My father was telling her "you don't mean that" and she was saying yes she did, even stopping an anesthesiologist who was a mutual friend to make her wishes known to him as well. In the end they both had DNR (do not resuscitate) orders. My dad died at home of a massive coronary and the EMTs honored the DNR order; my mom still lives, happy that dad didn't end up in a hospital - he'd be a lousy patient and miserably unhappy.
Folks forget that not that long ago (and still in many places) people voluntarily choose to stop eating and drinking when they feel they have lived the life they wanted and have no interest in continuing, either due to advanced age or terminal illness or plain disinterest in life. Many of those who have done this and are fully aware and conscious during the process of dying report little or no pain. Either the kidneys shut down or pneumonia (often referred to as "the old person's friend) sets in and death follows shortly. A colleague's father did this last year. He had a terminal illness, turned down chemo etc which would only prolong the dying process and not improve what was left of his time. He went very peacefully in less than a week.
The sad part of this mess is that Terri never put it in writing, though she did give voice to what she didn't want, not only to her husband but at least 2 other family members. Like my dad, the parents don't want to - or can't - let go. Entirely understandable. But this was Terri's choice, not her parents' choice, not her husband's choice. And people have a right to determine for themselves what they want done - or not - by medical personnel.
[This message has been edited by Auburn Annie (edited March 29, 2005).]
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